In light of Eliot Spitzer’s (and David Vitter’s and Bill Clinton’s and Newt Gingrich’s, etc. etc.) revelation that he cheated on his wife with a prostitute whose services cost more than my monthly take-home, I gently borrow from Bill Maher and suggest three New Rules for politicians (and their families) who find themselves in this stickiest of wickets.
- You must resign. If you did it, you did it on the people’s time and the people’s dime. We’re not paying you to troll the internet for hookers or airport bathrooms for stealthy handies. You fucked up and now you’re done.
- As an alternative to standing stoically next to you as you illuminate your misdeeds before scores of cameras, your spouse, should he or she so choose, has every right to beat you to death with a Louisville Slugger with a single nail in it. In front of the cameras. I don’t believe your constituents will mind if said spouse submits the receipt for the bat & nail to the legislature for reimbursement.
- You must publically support gay marriage. You no longer have the right to deny marriage to anyone if you take your vows so lightly. Man up and endorse the man-on-man matrimony.
Edited to add: Can we, as a nation, come together and slap this idiot into next week?